My parents are currently in a divorce and have been for the past year. They were together 20 years, and no one (not even myself)EVER saw it coming due to the Christian, "Leave it to beaver" like family lifestyle we had. We did EVERYTHING together.
All of a sudden, out of the blue, my sheltered, rose colored world came crashing down. Being the oldest I got told a lot more of what was going on than my younger siblings but as someone that was sheltered most of her life, it was a bit overwhelming to know everything that went on. I had a lot of things revealed to me at a very fast and short amount of time. I didn't know how to handle it. No matter how hard I looked I could not find any verse in the bible that said " shelbi, this is how you handle your parents divorce, and "this" parent is the one telling the truth and "this" parent is lying." Therefore i did not see any point in going to God with my problem. So when i was not working, i slept my life away, started having suicidal thoughts. I went to a doctor and a therapist soon after and was diagnosed with depression. I started taking medication for my depression and felt better as far as having the will to get out of bed. But there was still something missing(God). I moved out away from mom and dad and shared an apartment with a friend in maplewood at wallace state college. (not the best place for a naive girl, fresh out of highschool,going through a hard time,never been exposed to drinking or drugs.) I soon became broke because i didn't know how to manage money nor knew how to live on my own. Therefore I could not afford my medication or even a visit at the doctor. My depression worsened and the family drama grew. I started drinking to numb my pain. Started hanging with the wrong crowd. Soon it became worse and i would be drunk almost every night because my life and my problems were just too much to bare.(this may not seem like such a hard time to you, but when you are depressed you look at things totally different.) As i went to parties i was exposed to drugs for the first time. Even though i felt like i was so far down that God couldn't possibly care about me anymore, He gave me enough clear mindedness and strength to say no to any drug, cigarettes, or anything else i didn't know about.(I didn't think that was because of Him at the time but now i know).( And i can honestly say i have NEVER done any drugs, nor smoked anything even to this day.) As i started drinking more and having more fun going to parties i started to alter my values and boundaries. In such a short amount of time I had went from, the goody two shoes, always smiling, always happy, secure in Christ girl in highschool to a bitter, rebellious, smart alec, immature, unstable, party girl. Many days i felt like a filthy failure and wanted to just die. One day i woke up from a party i had went to the night before, the hugest migraine i had ever had and the bitter taste of alcohol in my mouth, i walk outside to beautiful weather and sunshine. I couldn't even enjoy it because of my horrible hangover. That day it just hit me, something just clicked in my little noggin. I do not want to live the rest of my life running, and living like this. Then i remembered what a good friend of mine told me back in highschool (when he embraced his calling to preach) "Shelbi, He is right where you left Him. All you have to do is go back and grab His hand again. He will lead you." (Brian Stephens)
That day I fell face down before the Lord , I wept, i repented, and He revived me once AGAIN! I moved out of maplewood, chose to live with my dad (bc he was the strictest parent) and decided I did not want to rely on anti-depressants, people, alcohol, or circumstances for the the sake of my happiness. So i asked God to heal me, and healed me HE DID!!! It took quite sometime of trials, quite a bit of tears, and a lot more mistakes, but I FINALLY have joy through Christ , and Christ ALONE!!!! It has been a process, but I am happy to say I have pure joy in my heart no matter the circumstances or people in my life! Only something God could do.And I am growing in Him everyday! If you only knew me you could see how much i have changed for the better in the past year. I still struggle everyday. ((Satan only messes with the one's who are powerful in Christ)). But my God is BIGGER! The verse Romans 8:28 is what I clung to for comfort.
Trust is key! and praying with Faith!
Love,
Shelbi
