Being Godly Girlfriend

First and foremost I am not a relationship expert and I am by far from the perfect girlfriend nor ever will be. But I do believe that God has a plan for each of us, and that if we are wholeheartedly seeking Him, that He will bless us with a man the we are perfect for and vise versa. As a struggling 20 year old seeking after Christ here's what I have learned so far about having a Christ centered relationship and the importance of it.

As I've read through the Bible I have discovered that there is really no clear advice on "dating" and steps to be a godly girlfriend.BUT! There is scripture on how to be a godly wife and how to have Christ filled and centered relationships with people. 

Christ centered relationship: Realizing that God created relationships to glorify Him. Your motives should be to bring your boyfriend closer to Christ not to you,in everything that you do together and apart. 

You are a team. And it is important to lift each other up when the other has fallen. So it is important date someone who is equally yoked spiritually. 

        1. Being Confident in who you are in Christ:(i struggle with this one most)  Every girl has insecurities of course, but to a godly man it isn't what you look like that makes you beautiful.The most attractive thing about you is how strong your relationship with Christ is and how you treat others. As emotional women and humans,we want attention from the people we love, but  if we are truly putting God first in our relationship and confident in Him it shouldn't matter if your"getting attention". You are not married yet and God did not give him to you nor you him yet so you have to trust that God has your best interest. 

2. Be the encourager: God made women to be the helper, the encourager. Let the man lead, he is called to be a spiritual leader. To be the encourager we can be a witness by living our lives like we are called to do by God, your fruits will show. And when you feel the need to step up and voice what you believe God wants you to say, pray about it, the Holy Spirit will guide you.

3.Prayer: There is nothing more powerful than praying together, going to church together, talking about Christ together. Be open and be honest about your struggles so that each of you can pray on your own as well for each other. It is just as important to have your own personal relationship alone as it is together.

4. Need him: We need to be independent enough to make our own decisions. But, Guys like to feel needed just like us. They like to feel strong and they like to know that we feel protected by them and that they are doing their job as leaders, and to be truthful we need men. (Don't get that confused with having to have a boyfriend) So if you can't open a jar, let him do it. Can't pick up something let him do it. Little things like that will mean more to him than you'll ever know. Be selfless and give him compliments from the heart because he is a prince from the most high King and should be treated as so( just like you are the princess).

5. Don't tempt him: When i say this i don't just mean sexually...

We are not to tempt him to jealousy, envy,to be selfish, to lose trust..etc.

Jealousy: I decided not to post cute pictures of myself on facebook all the time for my own attention, because honestly before when i did i wanted people to notice me, give me attention and tell me that I was pretty(low self esteem). Who's attention do I really want? Of course I want ryan to be attracted to me but do I really need any other guys attention? Just opens doors for jealousy. (this doesn't mean don't look nice and let yourself go, i'm talking about checking our motives.)

Trust: To gain trust you must prove yourself trustworthy.When I felt like God was leading me to date ryan i decided that if i wanted to really to grow and be serious that it wasn't a good idea to have close guy friends. (I didn't burn any bridges with anyone unless they tried to step over the line). My reason for this was, if ryan and I were to have trouble later on, I feel more comfortable talking to guys. And it would be easier to ask for a guys advice instead of addressing the problem to ryan first. Which leads to more talking, more opportunities for that guy to try to convince you that "he could do better" and that's how some relationships fall apart.Just how it is. You should pray about it, then talk to the person you have a problem with first.

Selfishness: If you are nagging at him all the time always telling him what he is doing wrong and trying to correct everything he does then ask yourself"why do i want him to correct these things?" "is it for my own selfish desires?" When you display selfishness all the time that opens the door for him to be selfish as well. when you are being thoughtful and selfless it's leading by example.

Hope: if you are in a Christ centered relationship you are dating this person because he could possibly be the one you marry. Don't worry him with doubts that "you are afraid he might mess up this" or that "you might mess that". It's a matter of self confidence, trust and knowing that God has everything under control. Put Him first and don't worry about the future, just have hope.

Patience: Your man is not perfect! You will not like EVERYTHING about him forever. And vise versa. So be patient, with love and kindness just like God is with you. If your guy is seeking Christ like he should then Christ will mold him everyday just like He is you. Let the Holy spirit guide you both and again, PRAY!

Love: 

 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Ask yourself each characteristics of Love. "Shelbi is patient? Shelbi is kind?"  Does that describe you? It should.

Relationships take two when you are dating. Most likely, what you do when you date is how it will be when you are married. it's not just 50/50... it's both people giving it 100/100 and by doing that, centering Christ in everything that they do. Everything will fall into place. So pray together, go to church together, read your bible together, encourage each other, love each other. And not just together but apart as well.